Transitions...

I was struck today by a very obvious, yet often overlooked fact: my children are growing up - right before my eyes (glazed over by tears as I write this and confront that simple truth).  Here is what led me to my earth shattering conclusion.

Alex lost yet another tooth last week - that's three now.  She has two growing in to replace the lost ones and also a molar coming in the back.  

Ouch.  Surely, she's not old enough for that yet..?

We have spent the last two mornings "fighting" because she can't decide what to wear.  

She's six, not sixteen.  

I bought her some cute t-shirts from Old Navy on Monday - she doesn't like them.  

I had to take them back.  

She now has a very strong opinion of what she wants to wear - what's cool, what's appropriate, or what's dorky.

Again, she's six, not sixteen.

Perhaps the hardest part of my realization came this morning as I was dropping her off at school.  It was a gorgeous morning - the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and we were laughing - we were able to walk and she rode her bike.  We got to school a little bit early - the doors weren't open yet (typically this doesn't happen, but today was a "late start" day so we had an extra hour in the morning).  Students were crowding around the door eagerly waiting for them to open.  

She stood away from me.  Not a lot, but noticeable to me. 

When the doors opened she ran into school - without saying good bye or looking back.   My "have a great day, honey" fell on deaf ears.  

She was gone - lost in the chaos and energy of elementary students.  

I found myself losing my composure - I made sure my sunglasses completely hid the tears welling up in my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned away.  

I turned my attention to Maddie, now 4, who was unaware of my competing emotions.  My overwhelming love for my children, my complete gratitude for being able to "stay at home" with them, my immense joy at watching them continuously learn all coupled with my crushing sadness at watching them grow up - too quickly.

One enters into parenthood knowing that children grow up - for me, it was this fact that allowed me to want a second one (and hopefully more one day) - they learn to sleep through the night, use the toilet, talk clearly, walk without falling, buckle themselves in the car, and independently dress.  But, there is a part of me that yearns for them to stop growing after a certain level of independence - I want to freeze them as they are now.  As much as I look forward to certain aspects of their adolescence, teenage years, and adulthood, I fear that I won't be able to recall the way that they needed me, the way that they fit into my arms, or the sound of their laughter echoing through the house...

...already I struggle to remember when they looked like this...Alex had just turned 3 and Maddie was 2 months...  

...how will I remember them in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

I should mention that the day ended on a high note.  After school Alex ran into my arms on the playground and happily told me about her day.  We enjoyed a "family snuggle" on the couch before bed.  Both of them requested a so-called "mommy special" tuck in at bedtime.  I will file these memories away somewhere safe in my head where age and time can not touch them.

They are mine.

So, what was it for you?  What event or milestone made you realize that time goes way too quickly?